yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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