He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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