We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
