My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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