I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
