my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
