I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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