Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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