Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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