If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
