Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
where are my eyebrows?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
