I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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