I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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