you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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