dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize