i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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