I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
