She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
