WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize