we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
