His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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