OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
tell me about the fingering
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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