just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
