Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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