It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
