Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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