is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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