Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
