Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
