I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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