I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The Easter sex puns were too abundant
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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