I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
