oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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