So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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