I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
