a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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