The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
