i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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