Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
