I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
