i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
