tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
