is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize