im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Of course I have a pirate flag
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
