I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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