i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
