I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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