You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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