I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
