sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
