His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
