You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
