Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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