I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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