it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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