If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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