I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
