This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
