Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
