The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize