If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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