I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
