i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
