We won't sleep together?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
