i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
