dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
