your parents love me but you hate me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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