Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
