I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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